Tread Softly On My Dreams
by arian
Summary: Prequel to Thoughts and memories. Raine's life in Winhill, from the day she started to take care of Ellone.
1. Default Chapter Title

  
  
  
  
Tread Softly On My Dreams.  
Part 1   
By Arian.   
  
  
  
Author's note - This is a story about Raine, from her point of view  
(containing spoilers as usual). It is a sort of prequel to "Thoughts and  
Memories" in that the two stories connect up, but you don't have to read  
one to understand the other.  
  
My thanks to Sarah, who went through this and picked out glaring errors  
and such. I've not put up her full name, she doesn't want to be associated  
wih me! *Grins*  
  
(Thanks also to Amara Enid. Her 'fic "After the Rain" sort of inspired the  
format of this story. What can I say? Think of it as the highest form of   
flattery!)   
  
This story, as are all stories I have or will write, was written for  
"the greatest storyteller in the world" who /generously/ allowed me time off  
from writing his story to write this one and helped me from time to time.  
As always, your help was much appreciated!  
  
Enough talk from me, read the story and let me know what you think!   
  
  
  
  
Raine Loire walked slowly up the hill, enjoying the warmth of the sun on  
her brown hair. It was a fine July morning and the sun had not yet reached  
its full strength. She walked slowly, but steadily, breathing hard and   
determined to reach her goal.  
  
It would be quiet up there and that was what she craved. If she couldn't   
hear /those/ two voices, then she would hear none. Not today.  
  
Winhill was never a loud place, but the way people would insist on coming   
to check on her, as if she couldn't do anything for herself, was beginning  
to irritate Raine. She wanted to scream at some of them, "You wouldn't  
help /him/ then, when he needed help, nor would you even help me look after  
him! Why make a fuss now when I have only myself to take care of? I've  
been taking care of myself for as long as I can remember." She didn't  
want to say it. They had always meant well in their own misguided way and  
they were not bad people. She didn't want to lose her temper, so here she  
was. Climbing this hill again.  
  
She had always loved it up here. This was where she came to think, to   
dream or just simply where she could exist, without interruption or  
distraction.  
  
She finally reached the top and sat down, legs stretched out in front  
of her. She had often come up here before Ellone had been a part of her  
life but once she had Elle to take care of, she simply didn't have the  
time. Not that she begrudged Ellone that. Not after all the poor girl had  
been put through. Then /he/ had turned up. An enigma to Winhill, at least  
until he was well enough to explain what had happened to him. Even then  
there was the mystery of just how he had got there from Centra.  
  
Raine leaned back on her hands and smiled. How Ellone had loved him! And  
he had completely indulged her, answering questions and telling stories.  
Not everyone would have been so comfortable with a six year old  
monopolising every waking hour, but it had given Raine time to sit up here  
again. He had started to use this place too. Somewhere to think and be  
alone for a while. Funny how they should both be drawn up here, but it was  
the most beautiful spot in the small village. You could look down on all  
the tiny houses and the fields of flowers and see the beauty of it without  
the mindless insignificance that Raine saw close up. Amazing really, how  
very important people imagined themselves to be and how vain, that they  
should think themselves special. Well, /she/ knew what was going on out  
there. She knew the chaos Adel was causing and was not stupid enough to  
think that little Winhill would play a part in bringing down a feared  
Sorceress.   
  
She sighed and pushed them all out of her mind. She had come here to  
escape them for a while, not to let her thoughts dwell on them.  
  
She twisted the silver ring on her finger and let herself smile again. He  
had asked her to marry him up here. Funny how things turn out.  
  
Laying on her back to rest, Raine realised she was still exhausted from  
her long walk. /A pregnant woman shouldn't be hill walking/ they had told  
her. What did they know? It was better for her to be up here than it was  
to be cooped up at home. Up here she could believe anything but if she sat  
at home she knew depression would gradually creep in, like a mist.  
  
She stared up at the clouds, her large eyes reflecting the sky. She used  
to make pictures and stories out of the shapes of the clouds. Now she saw  
only faces, just as she had for months. Two faces eternally floated in  
front of her, whatever she was doing. Every waking moment she would find  
herself looking into a pair of brilliant green eyes, or soft brown eyes.  
She thought she would go mad at first, but now there was a strange comfort  
to it. There were times when she thought she could see a third face,  
unknown and yet familiar. The features were blurred and indistinct but she  
sometimes saw the eyes. Grey eyes that seemed leached of all colour. Such  
determination in those eyes.  
  
/When would they return?/ She asked herself for the hundredth time. /What  
were they doing? Were they alright?/ Now and again that final question would  
creep in - /Were they alive? Would she even know if they were dead?/ No, she  
had to believe that she would know, that she would feel them die in her  
soul or something. They were alive and they would return to her. She told  
herself that every day, repeating it like a prayer. They would come back  
to her and for now she had her dreams, her memories. Even her most painful  
memories were welcome, even in those memories she could hear those voices,  
unimpeded by time or distance.  
  
Raine closed her eyes and let her mind sink into the sea of memory.  
  
***************  
  
/Yes,/ she told herself, /this was the beginning. This was when it had   
/really/ started./   
  
***************  
  
The small woman sat at the bar, reading a book. There was still time to  
kill before she had to open the place, although it would probably remain  
just as empty for most of the day. It was quiet outside, as it always was  
here, but for a moment Raine thought she heard something. Something she  
couldn't identify, but silence now ruled again and Raine fell back to her  
book.  
  
A few moments later, the still atmosphere of Winhill was shot to pieces  
by the steady drumming of footsteps. Many feet marching to a set rhythm.  
  
Placing the book carefully on the counter, so she wouldn't lose her page,  
Raine stood and walked quickly to the door. Her hand hovered over the  
handle as she heard gunfire and screams. The brutal sounds assaulted her  
ears and she winced. Just what the hell was going on out there? Realising   
it wasn't the smartest thing to do, but unable to stop herself, she closed  
her hand on the door handle and prepared herself for what she might see.  
She was never given the chance. The door was flung open and Raine was  
catapulted backwards, landing awkwardly on her side. She heard people  
trampling into her tiny bar and clambered quickly to her feet.  
  
She recognised the light blue uniform of the five intruders almost  
immediately. Esthar soldiers. Who wouldn't recognise them with those  
silvery uniforms and strange bug-like helmets?  
  
Suppressing the wave of fear, she stood her ground - waiting. She had  
heard the stories, just like everyone else. Stories that told of these  
mysterious foreigners that kidnapped or stole away small girls that were  
potential successors to the sorceress who ruled in Esthar.  
  
"You have children?" One soldier asked, while the others searched Raine's  
house.  
  
"No." Raine stared up into the bug-eyes, her gaze unflinching. The soldier  
stood in silence as the others returned and shook their heads. Nothing for  
them here. The soldier who had spoken before, the leader it seemed, said  
something and the other four left, but Raine's sigh of relief was premature  
and it turned into a gasp as the leader took her shoulder and more or less  
threw her out into the square.  
  
Most of Winhill was here, gathered in the square, some being questioned  
by soldiers, others were hurt and being helped by friends who were doing  
what they could with knife and bullet wounds.  
  
"Where are the children?"  
  
Raine turned to face that persistent bug-form that had pushed her out of  
her home.  
  
"The children of Winhill are in front of you." She answered, as scornfully  
as she dared. "There are no others."  
  
"These are all male. Is there not one female child in this miserable  
dump?"  
  
"None." Raine said firmly, hiding the knowledge in the back of her mind   
that there was one small girl. Just one. Ellone, a puzzling four year old  
who lived next door with her parents. The whole village knew her well and  
as the only girl she was spoiled rotten. Had any of them said anything or  
had Ellone already been found? Raine did not dare to glance towards the  
house the child lived in to see if it had already been searched. Then once  
more the choice was taken from her. From the direction of the house  
belonging to Ellone's family came the sound of voices raised in argument.  
The square quietened down to listen and she found that standing where she  
was, she could hear the words clearly.  
  
"There is a young girl living in this house. Where is she? We know she is  
here and we will find her in the end."  
  
"No one else lives here, just us. I swear we're the only people here."  
Ellone's father, Raine guessed. She wished she knew their names but they  
had kept very much to themselves, although Ellone ran freely round the  
village. Unusual for people to be so set apart from others in a small place  
like Winhill but perhaps they just hadn't been very sociable, she thought.  
  
"Then why are there children's toys upstairs? Why are there dolls and  
clothes for a little girl?"  
  
"Our niece. She visits from Deling City. It all belongs to her." Ellone's  
mother blurted out, her voice shaking with fear.   
  
Raine heard silence for a long time and supposed that the house was being  
searched thoroughly. /They better not find that girl./ She thought to  
herself. /I don't know what I'll do if they find her./ She was scared, not  
just for the girl but for what her reaction would be when Ellone was found,  
as she must inevitably be. She would not stand here passively while they  
carried the girl out of Winhill. She didn't know what she would do but it  
terrified her.  
  
"There's no one else here, sir."  
  
"You're sure? Adel was certain there would be one here."  
  
"Yes sir."  
  
Raine held her breath. Would they leave now?  
  
"I still think there is someone here."  
  
"We have to leave now, Captain. If we don't go soon then..."  
  
"I know! But before we do, I'll make damn sure this hellhole doesn't  
forget us. I'll teach them to try and lie to us, to try and hide what we  
were looking for..."  
  
That voice sent shivers down Raine's spine. She hated them. Soldiers who  
thought they could do anything because they were soldiers.  
  
The sound of rapid gunfire broke the stillness and Raine stood rigid in  
shook. Unable to move, she watched mutely as the soldiers exited the house  
and they marched away. The soldiers who had been in the square started to  
follow, but the one Raine had spoken to held back.  
  
"I saw the reactions on your face. I read what you were thinking. There  
/is/ a girl here and if Adel thinks she is suitable, we'll come and get her  
one day. We'll come back and /I/ won't forget that you lied. We'll be back  
one day." He threatened.  
  
Raine started visibly but the soldier had already vanished with the   
others. Managing to unfreeze her limbs, she ran towards the house and burst  
in the door.   
  
Ellone's parents lay next to the table that stood in the centre of the  
room. Kneeling next to them, uncaring that she sat in a pool of blood, she  
checked for a pulse. Nothing. She hadn't expected that there would be.  
Riddled with bullets, the man and woman lay curled up next to each other,  
eyes staring open. Raine stared right back, hoping to find a clue as to  
where Ellone was, but even in death they didn't give away the hiding place  
of their daughter.  
  
Raine carefully arranged their limbs and shut their eyes, as best as she  
could, before searching for Ellone. Her luck was no better than the soldiers  
and she found nothing. She was about to start looking outside when she  
thought she heard something upstairs. Quietly creeping back up the stairs,  
she heard the sound of a child, crying.  
  
She /is/ here, Raine thought.  
  
Following the sound to its source, the dark haired woman found a tiny door  
in the wall of Ellone's bedroom. It completely blended in with the wall and  
had she not had the sound to follow, she never would have found it.  
  
"Ellone." She said softly, crouching next to the door. "Ellone, it's okay  
to come out now. They've gone. It's just me here now, just Raine, OK?"  
  
Raine saw the door open slightly and a huge brown eye peered through the  
crack at her. After a quick glance about the room, the eye retreated and  
the door was flung wide open. A slender four year old ran sobbing into  
Raine's arms and Raine pulled her in close, whispering to her, grateful  
that Ellone was safe.  
  
"It's alright, they've all gone. You're safe now. I'll make it better."  
/How?/ She asked herself. "Ellone, do you know what happened?" Raine asked  
the question straight out, unsure how to talk to a child.  
  
"I heard people coming in, they were shouting." She looked tearfully up at  
Raine. "I hate it when people shout. It scares me, so I shut myself in here.  
Then... Mommy..." She started to cry again and Raine hated herself for  
asking the question. /So Ellone knows that her parents were dead. Poor  
girl, this room is right above the main room downstairs. If she hadn't  
heard the gunfire and realised what it meant, she would have seen it  
through the cracks in the floorboards./  
  
She gently stroked the head of dark hair that was buried in her shoulder  
and wondered just what to do now. She had said she would make it better  
but what could she do? An idea leapt out at her and she was amazed she  
could have missed such a simple thought.  
  
"Ellone, would you like to stay with me?" She held the small face away  
from her with careful hands, looking for a response. The brown eyes widened  
and started to cry again, half with relief.  
  
Raine picked the girl up and let her cry. She certainly had cause to cry  
as many tears as she wanted to. Gently rocking the child in her arms, she  
made her way down the stairs, turning Ellone's face into her neck so that  
she didn't have to look at the bloodied form of her parents anymore.  
  
A few of the townspeople had come in and were preparing to remove the  
bodies. They looked up as Raine approached, sympathy for Ellone written on  
their faces, but they said nothing.  
  
As she stepped into the sunshine, she saw Millie run towards her from her  
house across the square.  
  
"She's OK?" Millie asked anxiously, peering at Ellone. "She was in the  
house the whole time?"  
  
Raine nodded and felt Ellone's arms twist round her neck.  
"What'll happen to her now? Where -"  
  
"I'm looking after her now." She cut Millie off mid-sentence. Millie  
stared at her friend, amazed.  
  
"Raine, you can't possibly manage her. You're only -"  
  
"It doesn't matter if you think I'm too young to handle this. I /am/ going  
to take care of Ellone." Raine said firmly, walking into the pub and  
closing the door behind her. Carrying Ellone upstairs, she sat down and  
sighed. The soldiers had practically wrecked the place.  
  
"It's going to be alright, Elle. I'm here and I won't let anything hurt  
you again. I promise." She said softly.  
  
***************  
  
It had been awkward at first. Raine had absolutely no experience of how to  
look after a child and although Ellone had kept her from making too many  
mistakes, it had taken a while for them to adjust to each other.  
  
For two years they had lived together in peace, until the next  
disturbance of their tranquil world.  
  
***************  
  
Raine stood at the bar, serving the handful of locals that didn't have  
anything better to do. She had already put Ellone to bed and with any luck  
the girl was asleep, although you never quite knew with Elle. She could be  
a strange child at times.  
  
She looked up as two more figures entered her bar. She recognized one as  
Joe, the guy who ran the shop at the far end of town. The other was one of  
the soldiers who had been stationed in Winhill since the attack.  
  
She was serving their drinks in silence, lost in her own thoughts, when  
some of their conversation seeped through to her.  
  
"Poor sod." The soldier commented. "Wonder what happened to him? He looked  
worse than if someone had dumped him on the main line to Timber for a  
few days."  
  
"He sure was a hell of a mess. It's probably a mercy." Joe replied  
indifferently.  
  
"He's better off dead. If he ain't, he soon will be."  
  
Raine looked up in shock.  
  
"What did you say?"  
  
"We're just talking about a body on the beach. Don't worry, we'll bury it  
tomorrow before Ellone has a chance to -"  
  
"No." She cut in. "You said he would soon be dead. Don't you /know/ if he  
was dead?"  
  
"Well, we didn't check..." the soldier said awkwardly.  
  
"I don't believe you! I really don't believe I'm hearing this! You just  
left a man to die!"  
  
"Raine, if you'd seen him, the state he was in...you'd have left him too.  
There's nothing we can do." Said Joe, without a trace of regret.  
  
"No. I wouldn't leave anyone who needed my help. Even if it was pointless.  
If you think I would, you insult me and I don't think you'd want to do  
that." The bar fell silent as she raised her voice. "Where is he, Joe?" She  
glared at him and when he said nothing she turned to the soldier.  
  
"On the beach." The man shrugged.   
  
Raine nodded to him and walked round the bar, picking up her coat from a  
hook and wrapping it round herself.  
  
Joe caught her arm.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"You know where I'm going. I'm going to do what you should've done  
yourself."  
  
"You can't. It's wrong, Raine. He's an outsider and you know the damage  
they can do! You, of all people, the one who found Ellone and looks after  
her, should know -"  
  
Raine's hand flew towards his face and the sharp sound of the slap cut him  
off, mid-sentence.  
  
"Get out." She hissed, between her teeth. "I won't have it, do you hear?  
I'll not listen to you tell me it's right to let someone die because you  
are too stupid to look outside this town. It was /Esthar/ that attacked. One  
country out of many. The rest of the world is not evil. Now get out."  
  
Joe looked stunned, the red mark on his face glowing. He opened his mouth  
to talk again but he saw Raine glare at him and he slunk out without a word.  
  
Raine stalked out into the night, seething. /Stupid old fool!/ She thought  
as she walked. /Why could no one in this town get over the attack? If Ellone  
has moved on, then there is no reason why they can't./  
  
Yet Raine knew that it was unfair to make such a criticism when she  
herself was so badly scarred. The nightmares were only part of it,  
terrifying though they were. She would hear the screams and the gunfire  
and then she would see those bodies again, lying in a crumpled heap. The  
other impression that day had left was her hatred of soldiers. She despised  
them all. The only thing they could do was destroy, she had seen that for  
herself. Was there /one/ of them that knew about compassion? That wouldn't  
kill for the hell of it? She shook her head in disgust. No wonder there  
were so many skirmishes at the moment. Too many soldiers with time on their  
hands.  
  
She finally reached the small cove and ran to the form at the waters edge.  
Kneeling, she checked the man's neck for a pulse. He was alive, but  
unconscious. His clothes were soaked and torn, and his skin was bruised. She  
brushed the tangled hair out of his face and laid a hand on his forehead. It  
was cold, clammy and far too pale.   
  
/He must've lost a lot of blood./ She thought, her mind working overtime  
on what she would have to do now.  
  
A sudden flash of something caught Raine's eye. Something round his neck.  
Dog-tags. /Great, just what I need, a soldier. Galbadian by the look of it./  
She rolled her eyes, but took off her coat and covered him with it. That  
would have to do until she got back. She had to get someone to help her,  
there was no way she could lift him on her own.  
  
Raine ran back to the square. Who should she call? The doctor? That  
wouldn't do any good. The doctor was of the same mind as Joe and would be  
loath to help her save an outsider.  
  
Making a decision, she knocked on Millie's door.  
  
"Raine? What's the matter?" Millie asked as Raine grabbed her arm and  
dragged her through the square. "Is it Ellone?"  
  
"No, Elle's fine. I need you to help me with something." Raine explained  
what had happened as she led Millie to the cove.  
  
Raine could never remember afterwards how they had got him back to the  
square, or how they had carried him up the stairs of what was, technically,  
Ellone's house. The whole episode blended into a surreal dream. She had  
enlisted the help of others who were willing to aid someone who was not  
from Winhill and they had pooled their medical knowledge, setting the  
broken bones as best as they could. The larger cuts had been sewn up and  
as they changed the bedclothes around him, Raine sat in the corner with the  
shredded uniform in her hands. She searched the pockets methodically, taking  
out anything that had survived to keep it safe. He might want these few  
bits when he woke up.  
  
She watched in silence as the others left, having done what they could.  
Millie paused at the door, then she turned back to Raine.  
  
"Do you want me to stay?"  
  
"No. I'll be fine. You should try and get some sleep." Raine knew why they  
had left. They knew her knowledge of healing surpassed their own and they  
knew that just as she wouldn't give up a life, she wouldn't share this  
burden with anyone, either.  
  
"I'll take Ellone home with me. You'll need her out of your way for a few  
days." Millie offered kindly.  
  
Raine nodded and moved her chair to the bedside. As she heard Millie shut  
the front door, she inspected her patient. It probably would have been  
quicker for them to identify the unbroken bones and then set the rest. What  
on earth had he done to get himself in this state? It was nothing short of  
a miracle that his lungs hadn't been punctured by the numerous broken ribs  
he'd sustained.  
  
She looked critically at his face. It was still too pale. She hoped  
fervently he wasn't bleeding inside. She didn't have the knowledge or the  
equipment to deal with that.  
  
/How old is he?/ She thought curiously. In his twenties, she guessed but   
it was hard to tell, the mess he was in.   
  
Raine sighed reflectively. /A soldier. Well, it doesn't matter what he is,  
I had to help./ She /couldn't/ hate this one, not when he was hurt, even  
though it twisted up her ideals and prejudices. It felt like someone had  
switched on a blender in her brain and everything melded together, making  
no sense at all.  
  
/Wait until he's better,/ a voice in her head told her. /Then maybe you can  
hate them all again. Maybe you can put your mind back to how it was, once  
he doesn't look so helpless./  
  
***************  
  
It was a day before Raine's patient was conscious. She had sat there  
for a full hour, answering his questions patiently and then asking a few of  
her own.  
  
His name was Laguna Loire and he had fallen down a cliff on Centra, he had  
informed her seriously. She had almost laughed in his face at that  
statement, until he had explained it.  
  
Ellone had visited Laguna most days and, thankfully, he didn't seem to  
mind. Elle was overjoyed with her new friend and this spared Raine of some  
of her chatter.   
  
Raine visited every day until Laguna was back on his feet, some six months  
later.  
  
She had always been civil and polite, but her voice never really crossed  
the barrier into friendly. She wouldn't let herself. Her mind wasn't ready  
to deal with the change of principles that would involve, but deep down she  
knew it would have to one day. It was getting too difficult for her to be  
detached. Why did he have to be so damned /nice/ to her? Still her mind  
shied away.  
  
/One day,/ she told herself, /one day I'll be able to change. I'll be  
strong enough to change. But not yet./  
  
***************  
  
/When was it?/ Raine searched her memories. /When was it he noticed my  
state of mind? My barriers?/ She would never know that. Perhaps he had  
always known they were there. When had they started to break down? She  
remembered that day - the day she had finally won the battle with her  
psyche. The day the nightmares went away.  
  



	2. Default Chapter Title

  
  
  
  
Tread Softly On My Dreams.  
Part 2   
By Arian.   
  
  
  
  
  
The room was unusually quiet for that time of day. After dinner, Ellone  
would normally chatter happily to Laguna and Raine until she either fell  
asleep or Raine insisted she should go to bed.  
  
Today, Ellone sat in the middle of the floor, next to a small heap of  
white flowers. In front of her was another pile, but blue flowers this  
time. She hummed nonsense tunes quietly to herself while she folded the  
flower stems over a wooden hoop. Occasionally she would glance over to  
where Laguna sat and would offer advice sagely, looking for all the world  
like the Queen of the Flowers.  
  
Raine watched Ellone's imperious manner in amusement, happy the child felt  
so secure. May was the only time of year Raine could get any peace. The  
impending flower festival meant that Ellone occupied herself with wreath  
making, more or less leaving Raine to her own devices.  
  
She turned back to her own wreath of white flowers. She almost always  
used white flowers. Ellone loved the colours and some of her creations  
were colourful to the point of being gaudy, but Raine loved the white  
blooms best. To her they seemed perfect, despite their lack of colour.  
  
Hearing a sigh, Raine looked up and smiled. Laguna sat on the chair  
opposite, trying to follow Ellone's vague instructions. The hoop in his  
hands was almost bare and there was a growing pile of flowers with broken  
stems next to the chair. The few blooms that he had managed to weave round  
the hoop could no longer honestly be called flowers. Only a lucky few had  
retained any petals.  
  
"C'mon Elle." Raine said, as the girl finished her wreath and placed it  
proudly on her head. "Time for bed."  
  
"Awww! Just a bit longer? Please Raine?"  
  
Raine shook her head solemnly. Ellone had tried this tactic every night  
for as long as Raine could remember and it had never worked. This hadn't  
stopped Elle from being optimistic about it, though.  
  
"Can Uncle Laguna tell me a story?" Ellone looked hopefully at Raine. The  
small woman shot a questioning look at Laguna, who nodded.  
  
"What do you want me to tell you about?" he asked, picking the girl up  
out of the flowers and carrying her out of the room.  
  
Raine tucked her feet up into the chair and shut her eyes for a moment.  
  
She knew she had fallen asleep as soon as she heard the footsteps and the  
screams. Her nightmare. It had been reoccurring almost every night for so  
long that she faced it now with a patient air. She waited, knowing that the  
door of the bar would open and she would see the soldiers. It all rushed  
past her again. All that had happened on that day, two years past but still  
fresh in her mind, swam past her in blurred fragments.  
  
"Where are the children?"... "I'll make damn sure this hellhole doesn't  
forget us."... "We'll come back and get her one day. We'll come back and /I/  
won't forget you lied." The harsh voices raced past her.  
  
Did they find Ellone? No, she couldn't let that happen. They couldn't take  
Elle!   
  
A hand shaking her shoulder. Someone calling her name, worried. Opening  
her eyes, Raine saw Laguna leaning over her, anxiously.  
  
"Is Elle alright?" She asked instantly, worried in case the nightmare had  
become reality. She realised belatedly that her whole frame was shaking,  
her wreath of flowers having long since dropped to the floor. She could  
hardly even feel the tears that traced paths down her cheeks, she had  
become so accustomed to them.  
  
"She's fine. She's asleep, I... Raine, what's the matter? You were crying  
in your sleep and..." his voice trailed off, confused.  
  
"Nothing. Nothing's wrong." She wiped the tears from her face stubbornly  
and watched as he sat back down.  
  
"Elle said this often happens. She said you wake up shaking. She was  
right." Laguna commented, glancing at Raine's hands.  
  
Why couldn't he just drop it? She sighed and glared at him, indicating  
that this topic of conversation had ended, but he carried on, completely  
oblivious.  
  
"Does this always happen? Every time you sleep?"  
  
Raine rolled her eyes in irritation but answered the question anyway.  
  
"Yes, it does." She retrieved her wreath from the floor and continued to  
weave flowers into it. She felt him watching her in silence and  
deliberately bent her head down over the flowers so that her face was  
hidden.  
  
"A nightmare...The day Elle's parents died. /Your/ nightmare." The words  
were so soft she barely heard them. Glancing up quickly through her  
dark hair, she saw him smile faintly and she knew her reaction had  
verified what he had said. The unusual solemnity in his face surprised her,  
as did the show of something that resembled intelligence.  
  
"I'm not entirely stupid." He laughed suddenly, guessing what she was  
thinking. He picked up his own sorry-looking wreath and didn't continue  
the subject of her nightmare any further, to Raine's relief.  
  
She raised one eyebrow at his remark, but let it pass without further  
comment.  
  
Raine had finished covering her hoop with flowers in a couple of minutes  
and lifted her head to see how Laguna was doing. She stifled a laugh.  
  
"It really was unfair of Elle to start you weaving without tape. This is  
the old-fashioned way to weave wreaths," she explained, "usually they're  
made with florist tape. Elle and I both learned with tape. It takes months  
to learn to make them without it."  
  
"There's an easier way to do this? Why didn't she tell me?"  
  
"Maybe she thought it'd be funny. Your guess is as good as mine." Raine  
walked to a cupboard and after rummaging in a drawer, returned to where  
Laguna sat with a reel of green tape in her hand. "Here, let me show you."  
  
He handed her the wreath and she sat on the floor in front of him, her  
back resting against his chair. Laguna sat forward, watching Raine thread  
a white flower round the hoop, using the tape to hold it in place.  
  
"You always use white, don't you?" He asked as she picked up another  
bloom.  
  
"Mmm." She nodded, occupied with her work. "They're like a field of snow  
without footprints, or an unwritten page. Flawless. There's a beauty in  
that and no other colour can match it." She handed him back the wreath and  
tape, twisting herself so that she could watch him.  
  
Raine observed his struggles patiently for a few minutes before correcting  
him.  
  
"No. Twist them, like this." She reached out to show him. His hands were  
not used to intricate work and his fingers were clumsy. She stopped  
suddenly, staring at his hands. A soldiers hands. /How many died at those  
hands?/ Her own hands, hovering above the wreath, started to tremble and  
they shot back towards her, almost of their own accord. Retreating back to  
her own chair, Raine sat, feet curled up next to her, shivering  
uncontrollably.  
  
"Go home." She said quietly, a trace of fear in her voice.  
  
Laguna, startled and hurt by her sudden mood swing, didn't move.  
  
"Your prejudices are showing, Raine." He told her calmly, after a while.  
  
"What prejudices?" She knew exactly what he was talking about, but she'd  
be damned if she was going to let him know that. How much had he figured  
out? She didn't plan on telling him any more than he already knew. Why had  
he picked tonight to be intelligent? Of all the nights he could've chosen,  
why tonight?  
  
"I haven't figured that out yet. It's something to do with me, isn't it?"  
Laguna paused for an answer, but Raine simply stared straight ahead.  
  
"I don't think it's the outsider thing. You can't stand it when anyone  
else thinks like that, so what is it? What could possibly have happened in  
Winhill that would traumatise you... Ah." He nodded slowly. "Your   
nightmare - soldiers trying to take Elle away. Yes, I can see it now. You  
hate soldiers, don't you, Raine?"  
  
At the mention of her nightmare, Raine's eyes flooded with tears again.  
Unsure what he should do now, Laguna walked round and sat on the table in  
front of her.  
  
"I'm right, aren't I?"  
  
"You kill!" she hissed between her teeth in despair. "You're all the same.  
Why can't you just -"  
  
"Raine, I'm not the same as them. You think I could take any child from  
their family? Fighting is necessary sometimes. Not everyone wants to  
listen. Not everyone wants to play fair and when that happens, you have to  
fight. If you don't, then they win and people like Elle suffer."  
  
"I can't condone killing." Raine shook her head in misery, fighting a  
battle inside her mind, but still puzzled about which side she was on.  
Could he begin to understand this? She didn't want to hate him. Hell, she  
didn't want to hate anyone, but she hadn't been given a choice. Somehow it  
had just happened. How could she not hate them, though? Her whole life had  
been completely disrupted by what had happened, and Elle's had been more or  
less destroyed. Yet through her thoughts, she kept seeing images of Laguna,  
a soldier, sat playing with Ellone. If her hatred was justified, how could  
that be?  
  
"That's fine, but please don't condemn every soldier because of the  
actions of a few. I wouldn't hurt you or Elle or anyone in Winhill." She  
heard his reply through her thoughts. Yes, that was what she had been  
doing, and it had made sense at the time, but did it now?  
  
Raine nodded mutely, and Laguna got up to leave.  
  
"If they ever do return, I won't let them take her away. Maybe that'll  
help you banish that nightmare of yours."  
  
Raine heard him shut the door on his way out and she curled up in her  
chair. Her mind was in a complete mess, but for some reason she felt safer  
than she had in years. She had believed in that principle, that soldiers  
were there to be hated, when everything else had failed. It had become a  
peculiar sort of faith, but even though she had felt it was wrong, she had  
never had the courage to make that choice, to live without her hatred. Now  
the decision had been made for her. Searching her soul, she found her anger  
and hatred had left her. She was glad, it had been eating away at her, but  
what had he said that had made such a difference? He had said nothing to  
her that she hadn't already said to herself, nothing that she hadn't  
already known, deep down.  
  
She smiled, realising what had finally made that choice for her. That  
mental picture of Laguna with Ellone. That was enough to show her stubborn  
soul the decision it had to make. It was enough that someone like him could  
exist. That had sent her prejudices flying out of the dark corners of her  
mind forever.  
  
She knew when she slept that night, the nightmare would not return. It  
would never return again.  
  
***************  
  
Time passed, and perhaps it was inevitable that they grew closer.  
  
Raine felt an almost childlike euphoria in living without the barriers  
she had unwittingly built, two years previously. She had never bothered  
to rearrange her mind after he'd thrown it into chaos with a few words. She  
went happily from day to day, making decisions as and when situations  
required them, believing exclusively in Ellone and Laguna and their ability  
to make her laugh or cry.  
  
She began to notice the strangest things. Simple things, like the fact  
that Laguna's eyes were green. It wasn't that she hadn't noticed it before,  
but she'd never really /thought/ about it. Now and again, she would look up  
from whatever she was doing and find him watching her. Then she would find  
herself staring straight back into those emerald eyes, trying - and failing  
- to analyse that colour. They were unnerving, pleasant but definitely  
unnerving. She would shake her head, puzzled, and remember what she had  
been doing. Laguna would give her a wistful little smile and wander off  
with Elle. If either of them were aware of their strange behaviour or what  
it might mean, they didn't say a word, not to themselves or each other.  
  
***************  
  
"Elle, I don't want you to go outside without Laguna or me. It's getting  
too dangerous, there are too many monsters."  
  
The little girl, sat in Laguna's lap, didn't even glance across the table  
at Raine. Raine sighed and rolled her eyes but Ellone was too involved in  
her drawing to hear anything. It was a careful depiction in red crayon of  
the monster she'd seen that morning. Adding the last details, she held it  
up to show her Uncle.  
  
"That's what it looked like. Only bigger an' it was green."  
  
Laguna squinted at the picture for a while.  
  
"Caterchipillar." He informed her, winking at Raine. "They especially  
like to eat little girls, so you'd better pay attention to what Raine says."  
  
"You'll save me." She said with complete confidence, sliding down and  
wandering into her room.  
  
"I wish that I could let her play outside. It's sad that the children have  
to stay indoors. Especially now it's summer." Raine put her head in her  
hands, mourning the loss of the children's unchecked rambling through the  
village. The picture caught her eye and she spun it round to take a good  
look at it.  
  
"Do they really look like that?"  
  
"Yeah, pretty much. Elle's not a bad little artist, only, like she says,  
they're bigger and greener."  
  
"It's ugly." She shuddered.  
  
"Now, Raine, how many /pretty/ monsters have you seen?" he grinned.  
  
"I don't want to see /any/ monsters, pretty or otherwise." She laughed  
softly.  
  
"Well, I might be able to do something about that." Laguna said  
thoughtfully. "You all took care of me, so I should do something in return."  
  
"What?" Raine was puzzled.  
  
"I'll hunt the monsters. Maybe it'll take a while but eventually the kids  
will be able to play outside again, and you won't have to look at any  
caterchipillars."  
  
"You don't have to do this. You don't owe us anything."  
  
"Perhaps. But I want to do this, for Elle and for you."  
  
/Now what did that mean?/ Raine was about to say something when Ellone  
came back into the room and Laguna told her he was going to hunt the  
monsters for her.  
  
"You can be the commander." He told Raine, laughingly.  
  
"What?" she asked, suspicious, but he'd already turned back to Ellone who  
was asking why she wasn't commander.  
  
"You'll be assistant commander, Elle. It's much more important. You see,  
all the commander does is sit around looking important. Now, I'm sure that  
if Raine practises real hard, she'll be able to do that." He grinned at  
Raine's indignant face. "But I couldn't trust her to do all the important  
stuff."  
  
"What do I have to do?" Ellone asked excitedly.  
  
"Well, you have to do the paperwork and make decisions."  
  
Ellone frowned at him. "Paperwork?"  
  
"Yeah. You draw all the monsters you can see from your window, so that I  
know what I'm looking for."  
  
The little girl nodded happily and ran to fetch the rest of her crayons so  
she could start drawing.  
  
"Oh, Raine, I meant to ask you...what did you do with my old uniform? The  
one I was wearing when I got here."  
  
"We threw it out. It was a wreck."  
  
"Oh, OK." Raine was convinced she saw Laguna breathe a sigh of relief.  
  
"I did go through the pockets first. I thought the stuff in there might be  
important."  
  
"Do you remember what stuff survived?" He was nervous now. /Why?/ She  
wondered.  
  
"No, I didn't go through it. I'll see if I can find it, if you want."  
  
"No! It's fine, I just wondered... Ah, well, it doesn't matter. I'll go  
and see what monsters I can find." He started to stroll towards the door  
but Raine caught his arm.  
  
"You don't have to prove anything to Elle and me. Be careful, alright? I  
don't want to spend another six months nursing you."  
  
"And I thought you enjoyed looking after me so much, you were just dying  
for me to fall down another cliff." Laguna smiled, leaving her stood alone  
in the room.  
  
/Now what was all that about?/ She asked herself, reviewing the last part  
of the conversation. /What had been in the pockets of that old uniform he so  
desperately doesn't want me to see?/  
  
Her curiosity immediately got the better of her and after searching her  
own house, she realised that she must have left those bits next door. What  
better time was there to look than now, when Laguna was monster hunting?  
  
Keeping a watchful eye out for Laguna she snuck next door and began to  
search the drawers. She was about to give up, when she saw something stuck  
at the back of one of the cupboards. She pulled out a few scabby scraps of  
paper. This was what Raine had been looking for.  
  
She sat at the table and spread the pieces of paper out in front of her.  
Faint traces of ink proved that something had been written there, before  
the sea sponged it out.  
  
/What could I find in this that would worry Laguna?/   
  
Something caught her eye. A photo, folded between two sheets of paper,  
that by an amazing twist of fate had survived the sea intact. Dog-eared and  
smudged, but Raine could still make out the image of a slender young woman  
in a crimson evening dress. She was stood in front of what might have been  
a piano, smiling shyly for the camera.  
  
Raine flipped the picture over and read the single word written there.  
  
"Julia"  
  
There had been some kind of romance going on here, she guessed   
immediately. Why else would he carry a picture of a girl around with him?  
  
She sat motionless for a moment, surprised at the force of the jealousy  
that hit her. She shook her head quickly to dispel that feeling.   
  
/What right have I to be jealous? He doesn't owe us anything, he could  
leave and go back to the mysterious Julia anytime he chooses. So why  
doesn't he?/  
  
Raine's mind worked quickly, putting together all the clues it had picked  
up subconsciously and she laughed quietly in disbelief.  
  
"Oh no...he couldn't." she muttered to herself through her laughter. "How  
could he possibly be in love with me?"  
  
After the initial absurdity of the idea wore off, she realised that it was  
entirely likely that he did love her and at the same time it struck her  
that she loved him back. Perhaps she had for some time.  
  
She berated herself silently, /How could I not have seen it, especially  
since Laguna is so transparent most of the time? And what do I do now?/ The  
idea of telling him about the photo mortified her, as did the idea of  
asking him if he loved her.  
  
Raine hurriedly shoved the photo and the crumbling paper back into the  
cupboard and scurried back to the pub, trying to forget about it.  
  
***************  
  
She managed to survive tolerably well for three days, although Ellone and  
Laguna must have wondered why she was quieter than usual, not knowing that  
she was afraid to open her mouth in case she said something she'd regret.  
  
The fourth day, a stranger entered the bar, looking for Laguna. Ellone had  
raced next door before Raine could form the words to stop her. She turned  
to the dark-skinned stranger and asked politely why he was looking for  
Laguna.  
  
The man shrugged.  
  
"He was my commanding officer when we were in the army, but mostly he's my  
friend. I wanted to make sure he's OK. It seems like I've been looking for  
him forever, but you know I never thought I'd find him somewhere like this.  
It's so...peaceful, I bet he wrecks the atmosphere, from time to time." He  
laughed and Raine laughed with him, knowing exactly what he meant.  
  
Ellone burst back in the door and Raine walked over to her, hands on hips.  
  
"You shouldn't have gone outside. You know they're monsters out there. I  
don't want you to go out without an adult. You understand, Ellone?" she  
scolded the child as Laguna walked in. "Now go to your room and play."  
  
She heard Laguna and Ellone whispering about something, she didn't catch  
what it was, but she heard enough to reprimand Laguna for mangling the  
language.  
  
"Kiros!" Laguna exclaimed in surprise as Raine went back to polishing  
glasses, half listening to their conversation. "How long's it been? You  
know, our grand escape from Centra?"  
  
"One would usually call that being chased out..." Kiros chuckled.  
  
"I thought so..." Raine put in, amused by their banter.  
  
"I'd say a year or so."  
  
"I was bed-ridden for six months. It seemed like every bone in my body  
was broken."  
  
/Maybe because it was./ Raine thought and seeing the faintly questioning  
look Kiros gave her she explained that she had nursed Laguna back to health.  
  
Her mind wandered, thinking abstract thoughts, before she picked up the  
thread of conversation again.  
  
"Life's pretty boring without you as entertainment, my man." She heard  
Kiros comment.  
  
"I think I understand what you mean." She smiled, letting her mind drift  
again. It did that a lot recently. She had never had time to daydream  
before, looking after Elle kept her busy, but with Laguna around to occupy  
Ellone she had much more time to herself. Laguna was one of the few  
privileged people she trusted with Ellone enough to let the girl leave her  
sight. There were not many others in Winhill Raine would bestow that kind  
of honour upon.   
  
"How's Julia doing?" Laguna's voice penetrated her thoughts and that name  
nearly sent her reeling. She looked up with a peculiar intensity. /Now   
this I want to hear./  
  
"Julia Heartilly? I don't know..."  
  
/Julia /Heartilly?/ That was Julia Heartilly in the photo? She sings, she  
has a beautiful voice. I even know her songs./  
  
"You mean Julia, the singer?" Raine managed to force out of her throat,  
her brain still trying to deal with the information it had received.  
  
"That's right. Laguna really admired her and always frequented the night  
club."  
  
"Shut up! So what if I did!" Laguna was getting distinctly uncomfortable  
with this line of conversation.  
  
"Julia used to sing at a night club?" Raine persisted, despite a pleading  
look from Laguna to stop talking about Julia.  
  
"No. She just played the piano."  
  
Raine's brain finally kicked in and she remembered a bit more about the  
singer.  
  
"The first song she released was "Eyes On Me"."  
  
"H-how does the song go?" he managed to stammer.  
  
"You don't know?"  
  
"Well, you never let me hear it!"  
  
Raine shrugged, the radio was there, all he had to do was turn it on. "I  
didn't think you listened to music." She pushed her hair band back,  
nervously. "The song's about being in love...I really like it."  
  
"I heard she recently got married." Kiros commented in a neutral tone  
voice.  
  
"Oh yeah! To some army general, right? General Caraway or something?" /You  
shouldn't have heard this from me./ She thought to Laguna silently. /I  
shouldn't have been the one to tell you this... but does it matter now? You  
could have gone back, if you wanted. You've been well for months now./  
  
"I'm not too sure."  
  
"I read in a magazine that her true love went off to war and never came  
back." Raine said slowly, making the connection. /He had the choice./ She  
told herself again. /He chose to stay here with Elle and me. Wonder why?  
Cynic, you'd know why if you let yourself./ Her mind accused. "General  
Caraway comforted her while she was feeling down. That's how they got to  
know each other."  
  
"So she didn't wait for the soldier to come back...?" Kiros asked her  
curiously.  
  
/She would have been waiting a long time.../ Raine mentally slapped   
herself and shook her head.  
  
"So what! Who cares!?" Laguna burst out, edgy about what Raine might be  
thinking. "As long as she's happy, right? That's all that matters! Ain't  
that right, Elle?" he turned to Ellone, crouching down to her level.  
  
"Right! Uncle Laguna and Raine are..."  
  
"Ahhhh!" He interrupted her loudly. "OK, enough talk about this!"  
  
Raine wandered upstairs while Laguna and Kiros went out "On patrol".  
  
What did she do now? The identity of the mysterious Julia had been solved  
but Raine was still bewildered about /why/ Laguna had stayed in Winhill. Did  
he /really/ love /her/? Raine couldn't see another explanation, but,  
stubborn as she was, she wouldn't believe it until he said it himself. /She/  
certainly wasn't going to say anything.  
  
"Raine...Aren't you gonna marry Uncle Laguna?"  
  
/Wonderful, trust Elle to pick up on the atmosphere in this house at the  
moment. The last thing I need is her running up to Laguna and telling  
him... what?/  
  
"A guy like that?" she said out loud. "He was carried in here, crying like  
a baby, and I was the one who had to take care of him..." /Because you were  
too obstinate to let anyone else so much as help you./   
  
Raine poured out a list of complaints, drawing them out of the air in a  
desperate attempt to make Ellone drop the subject.  
  
"But he's really nice! I really, really like him! Raine, Uncle Laguna and  
Elle should all be together!"  
  
/I wish I could give you the assurances you need, Elle, but it's up to  
him. I can't make myself say anything./  
  
"...But you know...I think what he really wants to do is travel all over  
the world. I don't think he has it in him to live in a quiet country town  
like this one." She tried to find an excuse Elle would be able to  
understand and accept. Something that wouldn't get her hopes up. "Some  
people are like that. Ouuu, it makes me so mad." /What does? How do you  
know he won't stay? He /has/ managed to live happily here for a year now.  
Perhaps.../  
  
"You don't like him?" Ellone asked with tears in her brown eyes. Raine  
gave up. She couldn't make Elle cry by lying to her. She gave the girl a  
truthful answer, the answer she wanted to hear.  
  
"...I feel the same as you, Ellone."  
  
Laguna and Kiros chose that moment to return from their patrol and  
anything else Raine might have told the child was left unsaid.  
  
***************  
  



	3. Default Chapter Title

  
Tread Softly On My Dreams.  
Part 3  
By Arian  
  
  
Kiros left after a few days to visit another friend who worked in  
D-District Prison. Laguna had talked with him frequently before he left  
but Raine had not been privy to a lot of their discussions, many of which  
stopped the instant she entered the room.  
  
After a week of dealing with a Laguna who was subdued and  
reflective-to-the-point-of-irritation, Raine was edgy. He was up to  
something. What was going on?  
  
When he vanished after dinner one night, Raine tucked Elle into bed  
and went up the hill, either to think about things or to vent her  
frustration on an unoffending tree, only to find that Laguna was already  
there.  
  
He spun round and the worried look on his face made her forget her  
reasons for being there.  
  
"What's the matter?"  
  
"I'm OK. It's nothing."  
  
/Then why have you been acting so weird lately? Are you so naïve you  
think I haven't noticed?/   
  
She frowned as he turned away and started to walk back to the village.  
/Oh no. You're not going until I get an answer./  
  
Raine followed, reaching out to catch his arm, to make him talk to her,  
when he spun to face her of his own accord and took her hand.  
  
She watched in astonishment, completely speechless, as he slid a silver  
ring onto her finger.  
  
"Marry me, Raine?"  
  
So /this/ was what the plotting had been about. Raine had nearly all the  
explanations she needed now. She inspected the ring incredulously, tears  
gathering in her eyes, and then she held up her hand. /You really mean  
this? You love me!?/ She asked the question silently, already knowing the  
answer, and Laguna held up his own hand, smiling almost apologetically,  
and she saw the matching ring.  
  
Still stunned, Raine flung her arms round him and smiled to herself.  
  
/What a waste of time all those worries were. I should have known that  
this is what he'd do. But there is still that one question...I'll wonder  
about it forever if I don't ask.../ She leaned into him, enjoying the moment  
before she destroyed it with that one fatal, highly inappropriate, question.  
  
"Why did you never go back to Julia?" No malice in her voice, it was just  
something she had to have an answer to. She was no longer jealous or  
worried and, although she suspected what his answer would be, she needed  
to hear him say it.  
  
Raine felt him tense up as she voiced her question and then he pulled  
away, enough to see her serene face, but without his arms moving from her  
back.   
  
"I love you." He told her, confused and trying to reassure her.  
  
/Ah, I've hurt him. Look at the hurt in his eyes, Raine. You did that.../  
she accused herself. /I never meant to.../  
  
"I know you do and I can't question that. And I know that I love you,   
too." The words came to her easier than she ever thought they would. "I'm  
sorry, but it's a question I have to ask. It doesn't even mean anything  
anymore but it does satisfy my curiosity. I need an answer."  
  
He sighed and looked up at the stars, presumably for inspiration. She  
reached up with one hand to brush the raven black hair back from his face,  
letting her fingers glide across his cheekbone as she did so. Laguna shut  
his eyes and a faint smile traced across his face.  
  
/Now what did he go and do that for?/ Raine frowned to herself,   
whimsically. /I like looking at his eyes. It's almost become a pastime of  
mine./  
  
"Sooner or later, you'll have to answer the quest -" She never finished  
that sentence. Unnoticed, Laguna's hand had moved lightly up to her neck  
while she had been busy being mad at him for preventing her favourite hobby.  
Now, he had opened his eyes again and leaned down to kiss her before she  
could say another word.  
  
Raine entwined her arms around his neck, kissing him back and temporarily  
forgetting what she had been talking about.  
  
When her soul finally drifted back from whatever cloud it had been dancing  
on, she opened her blue eyes and found Laguna's face not an inch from her  
own, his forehead just touching hers. There was a smile on his face and  
something in his eyes that didn't quite belong there... /He's never been  
able to lie convincingly./  
  
"You did that deliberately!" She cried, her mind jumping instantly to a  
conclusion.  
  
"Oh, it was definitely quite deliberate." He grinned at her.  
  
"You know what I mean! You did that to stop me talking! To make me  
forget!"  
  
"Not /entirely/..." he raised one eyebrow, making her smile.  
  
"You have to tell me." She laughed, tightening her arms round his neck.  
"I'm not letting you go until you do."  
  
"Who says I want to go anywhere?"  
  
"Quit trying to change the subject. You know I can be /far/ more stubborn  
than you." Raine twisted her way out of his arms and sat down on the  
hillside, tugging at his hand to make him sit next to her.  
  
She leaned back on her hands, one leg stretched out in front of her, the  
other curled up to her chest, watching the starlight play on the flowers.  
After a while she turned back to Laguna, waiting expectantly for an answer.  
  
He sighed. "Raine, I don't know what I can say. I don't /have/ an answer,   
or an explanation. I don't /know/ why I didn't go back to Deling City."  
  
"Just tell me as much as you know. Tell me what you thought. You must  
have /thought/ about going back. Tell me whatever you can."  
  
He watched her for a while, then nodded slowly.  
  
"Where to start... well, when I got here, I suppose. I always thought that  
I'd get better and go back to Deling. I had to get well and go and see  
Julia, that was the plan. I don't know when it changed, but it did. I  
found I couldn't think about leaving Elle behind. She'd be so upset and I  
couldn't bear that."  
  
"What about Julia, didn't you think she'd be upset?" Raine interrupted  
softly.  
  
"Julia? Well, yeah, I guess... but Elle's just a little girl and then  
I... I started to... I fell in love with you, Raine. I don't know when or   
how or why, but once it happened, well, there's no going back."  
  
"That isn't one of the more romantic things you've ever said..." Raine  
said archly.  
  
"Hey, you said you wanted an answer, not poetry."  
  
"And that's as good an answer as I'm going to get?"  
  
Laguna nodded.  
  
"Why did you make all that fuss about it, then? If that's it?"  
  
"Well, it /is/ kinda awkward."  
  
Raine acceded that and looked up at the stars. /Masses of them tonight. A   
great chalky smudge across the heavens./ She sighed happily to herself,  
content, then she noticed the miserable look on Laguna's face.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You've ruined it now." He said, mournfully. "It was perfect. The stars,  
the flowers... and then you completely shattered the atmosphere. That's the  
sort of thing /I/ normally do."  
  
"I suppose I did mess it up a bit..."  
  
"A /bit/!?" Laguna objected. Raine smiled at his mildly outraged face for  
a moment.  
  
"But, you know, the stars and the flowers are still here and the rest of  
Winhill is probably asleep... I think we might be able to piece together  
some of that shattered atmosphere." The ring on her finger caught the  
moonlight.  
  
"Oh?" he turned towards her as she edged a bit closer.  
  
"Mmm."  
  
***************  
  
Raine lay in bed, staring vacantly up at the ceiling. Laguna had left a  
while ago, before Ellone woke up, to avoid the kinds of embarrassing  
questions a six year old might ask. The small woman chuckled quietly to  
herself, remembering the conversation of the previous night.  
  
They had scurried back down to the square at what might have been very  
late at night , or early in the morning, Raine wasn't sure. She /did/ know  
that she had bits of grass stuck in her hair and she didn't give a damn.  
She was constantly on the verge of laughing out loud at nothing in  
particular and she knew from the look on his face that Laguna was, too.  
  
He stopped on the doorstep, kissed Raine goodnight and started to walk  
back to his own house. He managed about five steps before she darted   
forward and grabbed his arm.  
  
"Don't go home. You don't... you shouldn't have to leave."  
  
"What about Elle?"  
  
"She'll be asleep. She sleeps like a rock, but I think I'll get a lock for  
her door tomorrow, all the same."  
  
"You can't do that!" Laguna exclaimed in a whisper. "Poor Elle, what if  
she has a nightmare or something and she needs you?"  
  
"Nightmares? No nightmares in this house. I don't get them anymore, and  
Ellone never did." Raine murmured, remembering another conversation about  
the same subject. Then she considered what he had said and nodded. "Alright,  
but if she..., well,... /you/ answer any awkward questions, got that?" she  
felt her cheeks begin to burn in the darkness and suppressed the urge to  
cover them with her hands.  
  
"/Me/!? Wouldn't it be better if you..."  
  
"/You/ don't want a lock on her door, /you/ answer questions. You're part  
of this unconventional little family now." She paused and reached down for  
his hand. "When I asked you to stay here... I didn't just mean tonight, you  
do know that, don't you? I don't need a ceremony to tell me what I already  
know. If you're with us then no little priest in his crumbling church is  
going to make a difference. I do want to marry you," she added quickly,  
seeing the look of panic on Laguna's face, "but you belong here with us  
/now./" Raine struggled to convey what she felt and was relieved when she  
saw he understood what she had been trying to tell him.  
  
"You're getting nearly as bad at explaining things as me." Laguna laughed  
as she opened the door.  
  
"Quiet." She warned "Or do you want to explain to Ellone what you're  
doing here?"  
  
"Ahh... no. I don't think so."  
  
***************  
  
Raine was making Ellone's breakfast when Laguna returned.   
  
"Uncle Laguna!" Ellone yelled, waving at him from her place at the table.  
Laguna dropped the bundle he'd been carrying into an armchair and sat next  
to Elle at the table.  
  
"Morning, Elle."  
  
"What're you doing?" the girl asked, trying to peer at what he had dumped  
in the chair without moving from her seat.  
  
"Raine, didn't you tell her yet?" he asked as Raine set a dish down in  
front of Elle.  
  
"Tell me what!?" she leapt about in her chair, nearly sending her bowl  
flying. Raine sat the other side of her and looked placidly across at  
Laguna.  
  
"I was waiting for you before I said anything." Ellone was going berserk  
by this time and Raine simply held her left hand out to the girl, without  
saying a word. Elle looked bewildered at the hand she was offered, grasping  
it with her tiny hands, and then she saw the ring. Even a child as young as  
she was knew what that meant and she looked up at Raine, then turned her  
angelic face to Laguna.  
  
"Yeah!!" she squealed with delight, leaping onto Raine's lap and hugging  
her. "You're getting married! Really?"  
  
"Yes, we really are, Elle." Raine smiled as the girl scrambled back  
across her chair to throw her arms round Laguna.  
  
"Can I be bridesmaid? Pleeease?" Laguna looked up at Raine before he  
answered and she nodded, amused. /Why did he bother? He should know my  
mind as far as Elle's concerned. It's much the same as his own./  
  
After he had answered her, Laguna eventually untangled Elle's arms and  
lifted her back to her own chair.  
  
"I bought some stuff over from next door." He said to Raine, indicating  
the pile in the chair. "I didn't think there was much point in leaving it  
there."  
  
"Why?" Ellone asked, trying to peer at the bundle again. "What is it?"  
"It's just my stuff, Elle. I'm living with you guys now. I'm gonna stay  
here and take care of you and Raine."  
  
"I'm six years old! I don't need looking after!" she told him indignantly.  
  
"Yeah, I know, but I think Raine needs looking after, don't you?"   
  
The little girl nodded and they both grinned at Raine who sighed and  
rolled her eyes heavenward.  
  
"Well, I'm gonna go and hunt some more monsters, before they come and eat  
Elle." Laguna joked.  
  
"Wouldn't /that/ be a shame." Raine commented, smiling at Elle so that she  
knew Raine didn't mean it.  
  
"I'll see you two later." He waved and headed for the door.  
  
"I don't think I should let you." Raine retorted coolly, in revenge for  
that earlier remark about needing to be looked after. "Prospective husbands  
run off when they realise what they've let themselves in for."  
  
"Hmmm. Maybe I should start running now, then. And maybe I should leave  
before you throw something at me." He added, seeing the look on her face  
and ducking quickly out of the doorway.  
  
***************  
  
"Hey, what's this?" Laguna reached out to pick up the bundle of white  
cloth that lay on the table.  
  
"Don't touch that!" Raine and Ellone yelled in unison and laughed as he  
jerked his hands away quickly, as if he'd been burnt.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It's Raine's wedding dress. You're not supposed to see it yet." Ellone  
informed him gravely.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because it's unlucky, Laguna. Honestly, sometimes you can be worse than  
Elle with all your questions."  
  
"C'mon Raine, lemme see! Where did you get it from, anyway?"  
  
She rolled her eyes. "I've been making it for the past week. I thought  
you'd have noticed before now."  
  
"Been busy." He winked at Elle, who giggled.  
  
"Ah yes. You and Kiros. What the hell are you up to this time?"  
  
"Just stuff. You'll see." He paused, glancing back to the cloth on the  
table. "You're /really/ making your dress?"  
  
"Well where do you think it'd come from?"  
  
"Dunno. Most people in Deling buy 'em in shops, I guess."  
  
"Not too many of those around here, if you'd stop plotting with Kiros  
long enough to notice your surroundings."  
  
"I could -" he started, but Raine interrupted, already guessing what he  
was going to say.  
  
"No. I /want/ to do this." She smiled. "When's Ward going to show up?"  
  
"He'll be here in a few days." Laguna said confidently.  
  
"The /wedding's/ in a few days."  
  
"Relax, Raine. Everything will work out fine. Hey, Elle, where's your  
dress? You can't be bridesmaid if you don't have a bridesmaid dress."  
  
"Millie's makin' it. Can I show him, Raine? Can I?" Ellone ran to the  
door, dragging Laguna behind her, waiting for Raine's answer.  
  
"Pleeease?"  
  
"Oh, alright." She gave in and smiled as Laguna managed to wave to her  
before being pulled out the door by an impatient Ellone.  
  
***************  
  
Raine stood in front of the large wooden doors of the church.  
  
/This is it./ She told herself, but no matter how she tried, she couldn't  
see how this day would change anything in her life. She was already happy  
and had everything she needed. Although this was an important day, Raine  
just couldn't see any necessity for it. That didn't mean she wasn't going  
to enjoy it, or that she wasn't nervous.  
  
She looked down at Ellone, who stood next to her in a dark blue dress.  
/Always blue with Elle, she'd always be wearing something blue./ The girl  
fidgeted with the circlet of flowers on her head, impatient to be inside.  
The door finally cracked open, and Millie slipped out.  
  
"You can go in now, Raine."  
  
Raine smoothed down the front of her white dress and looked up at her  
friend.  
  
"Do I look alright?" she asked, worried.  
  
"You look stunning. They're all waiting for you." Millie straightened the  
white flowers in the wreath on Raine's head and gestured to the door.  
  
"Ready, Elle?" Raine looked down at the tiny girl at her side. Ellone  
nodded eagerly.   
  
Raine stepped into the doorway and paused for a moment, gripping Ellone's  
hand. She glanced around at the faces, to see who had turned up, and as she  
had expected, Joe, the doctor and the rest of the anti-outsider group were  
not present.  
  
She released Elle's hand, so that the girl could walk in front of her, but  
instead the child half ran to the front of the church, where Laguna stood  
with Kiros and his bulky friend, Ward.   
  
/That wasn't quite supposed to be like that, Elle. You were supposed to  
walk, like the young lady that you are. That you /sometimes/ are./ She  
corrected herself.  
  
Raine watched in mild astonishment as Laguna turned and crouched next to  
Elle, talking with her about something, then pointing around the church.  
She glanced about her and saw that the whole room was bedecked with white  
flowers. How could she have not noticed their fragrance?  
  
Looking back to Elle and Laguna, she smiled to herself. /If that had been  
anyone else stood there, talking animatedly like that, the whole thing  
would be a farce. But with those two... it seems normal. Like no one would  
ever expect them to do this any differently./  
  
As she started to walk forwards, Laguna stood and half-turned to face  
her. Then he froze.  
  
/How interesting./ Raine was silently amused. /I've never seen anyone's  
jaw actually drop before. I didn't think it really happened. And he's  
wearing a suit. /That's/ something I never thought I'd see. Wonder how that  
happened? He's not really a suit sort of person. Ward and Kiros probably  
had something to do with it. Hmmm... I think I kinda like it./  
  
She was about to look around, when she saw a hint of green and her eyes  
were drawn to Laguna's.  
  
/No, no, NO!/ she mentally half-screamed at herself as her eyes moved  
automatically without any input from her brain. /I don't want to, I want  
to look around the church and see the flowers! I won't be able to see  
anything once I look at him. Damn! Too late.../  
  
She didn't get to see anything else, just those emerald eyes that she  
wouldn't even try to look away from.  
  
"So you like the dress?" she whispered as she reached him. When he didn't  
say a word, Kiros leaned over.  
  
"I think he's still stunned. You look great, Raine."  
  
All through the rest of the ceremony, Raine found that all she could see  
was wall-to-wall green and she was only just conscious enough of her  
surroundings to stammer out her words.  
  
Everything blurred and she didn't remember much more until daylight hit  
her face and she realised they were stood outside the church. She felt the  
familiar feel of her ring on her finger and was pleased to have it back.  
Today was the only day she had removed it and her finger felt empty without  
it.  
  
"Did you see, Raine?" she heard Laguna whisper to her, having found his  
voice again. She turned to look at him, to see those eyes that were both  
a curse and a blessing to her, that shined now with exhilaration.  
  
"See what?" she was still in a daze. /A child, Raine, you married an  
eternal child. He'll never grow up. But then, what's so bad about that?  
It's part of what you fell in love with, isn't it? And maybe if he can  
stay that young, then I can too. Why should either of us have to grow up?  
I guess none of that matters, though. He is who he is and you know you  
wouldn't change him./  
  
"The flowers. Me and Kiros and Ward decorated the whole place with them.  
White flowers, the ones you like best. Couldn't you smell them?"  
  
"Yes. They were beautiful. Is that what you were up to?"  
  
"Yeah. I thought it'd be nice."  
  
Raine couldn't get another word in before people started to pile out of  
the church, congratulating them on their way, and she suppressed a cynical  
laugh at the niceties. /Half of you are only here because it's something to  
do. Something to break up the monotony of days./ But half of them were there  
for genuine reasons.  
  
Kiros, Ward, Millie and Ellone were soon the only people left. Elle  
darted forward to clutch at Raine's hand, a grubby angel, her dress already  
dusty in places. Elle could find dirt anywhere, she was like a magnet for  
it.   
  
"Millie says I can stay at her house tonight! She says she's going to  
make a chocolate cake an' I can help and she's gonna tell me lots of  
stories! Can I, Raine? Please?" The little girl leapt around, clutching  
at the wreath on her head to stop it from slipping.  
  
Raine looked questioningly at Millie and her friend stepped closer.  
  
"Go on, Elle. I'll get Raine to agree, don't worry about that."  
  
The girl nodded and ran off in the direction of the square.  
  
"What's this about?"  
  
"It's my present to you, Raine. I'm sure you'd rather not have her  
around for a while, however adorable she is." Millie smiled as Raine  
began to turn a faint pink colour.  
  
/Dammit! I /hate/ it when this happens! Why the hell am I blushing?/ She  
continued to mentally yell abuse at herself until the colour faded from  
her face and she composed herself to speak to her friend.  
  
"Thanks, Millie." She knew she didn't have to say anything else and  
Millie nodded and walked after Ellone.  
  
Raine glanced to Laguna at her side. He might not have turned the same  
pink colour as Raine but he was looking distinctly uncomfortable.  
  
/Oh good. If I'm not the only one then I don't feel so bad./ She snickered  
quietly at the look on his face, then Kiros interrupted her silent  
conversation.  
  
"Well, I never thought this'd actually /happen/. I'm amazed you found  
someone to put up with you. Personally, I think that if Raine has an ounce  
of sense left, she'll get a divorce as soon as she can."  
  
"When you've quite finished trying to wreck my marriage before it's even  
begun, Kiros, perhaps you'd like to congratulate us and tell Raine how  
captivating she looks." Laguna told his friend, dryly. Ward smiled and  
chuckled silently at the endless banter between the two.  
  
"My, that /was/ a long word! Swallow a dictionary, did we?" Kiros ignored  
the sour look Laguna shot him and kept talking. "Anyway, I already told  
Raine she looks great when you were struck dumb in there, doing a great  
impression of Ward."  
  
Ward gestured to Kiros, and Kiros translated for him.  
  
"Except that Ward says he's not as dumb as you and would've married Raine  
months ago. But all joking aside, congratulations my friend. And Raine?  
Commiserations are in order I think..." He laughed as they strolled away,  
leaving Laguna and Raine alone on the steps of the church.  
  
"That's it?" Raine asked. "What happens now?"  
  
"Well, I think there's something about being carried over the doorstep,  
so..." his voice trailed off as he lifted Raine up. Raine was caught  
completely unawares and yelped, clinging to his neck.  
  
"No! Put me down! You'll drop me!"  
  
"Nah, I wouldn't do that."   
  
"Well, try and find a soft bit of ground when you do drop me, OK?" she   
said nervously.  
  
"Raine, I wouldn't drop you. What's the matter, don't you trust me?"   
Laguna laughed, somehow managing to saunter up to the square, while carrying  
Raine.  
  
"Oh no. I trust you. I trust you implicitly. But I /know/ you and your  
concentration span isn't going to win prizes."  
  
"You /really/ liked the flowers?" he asked, looking for her approval.  
  
"See?" she chuckled.  
  
"But did you?" he insisted.  
  
"Yes. You know I did. I never thought you'd come up with something like  
that. You surprise me sometimes."  
  
"Is that good, or bad?"  
  
Raine thought for a moment.  
  
"Good." She decided finally. "But only if they're nice surprises."  
  
"Only nice surprises. I'll try to remember that." He paused. "A bad  
surprise...that would be...being dropped...?"  
  
"Don't you dare!" Raine gasped, but Laguna just smiled and kept walking.  
  
"Ah, I thought you said you trusted me?" he said, his voice amused.  
  
"If you drop me Laguna, I'll make your life a living hell, and don't  
think that I can't." she thought for a moment. "And you'll find yourself  
sleeping in Elle's old house again." She threatened.  
  
"For the thousandth time, I'm /not/ going to drop you." He sighed.  
  
"Good. Because I would really /hate/ to have to carry out that threat."  
  
***************  
  



	4. Default Chapter Title

  
Tread Softly On My Dreams.  
Part 4  
By Arian  
  
  
  
"So," said Millie, stopping by the bar a few days later, "how's Elle  
doing?"  
  
"Fine. She's found a new game, though. It's called "Tell-Laguna-that  
-Raine-told-me-I-could" and she thinks it's enormous fun." Raine chuckled  
good-naturedly.  
  
"And are you enjoying married life, Raine Loire?" her friend asked  
innocently, putting a slight stress on Raine's last name.  
  
"Drop it, Millie." Raine said flatly, then regretted it. "I'm sorry,  
I didn't mean to bite your head off. It's just that I'm fed up with all  
the winks and nudges from everyone, you know? The whole damned village  
/knows/ that he has been living with us for weeks so why do they have this  
strange compulsion to throw snide remarks into every conversation? I wish  
they'd just leave us alone."  
  
"Raine, you've said it yourself, before." Millie told her soberly. "Their  
opinions don't matter to you. Why let their comments bother you? But...   
from a friend... are you happy?"  
  
"Oh yes. You simply have no idea." Raine sighed.  
  
"I think I do. Looking at your face, your expression, perhaps I do, and  
I'm glad for you."  
  
Millie stayed a while longer, and then made her excuses and left. The  
next day, Raine found that the knowing comments had stopped, at least  
while she was around, and though Millie never told her, she was sure her  
friend had something to do with it and she thanked her silently.  
  
***************  
  
On the hillside, Raine started to fight her way out of her memories.   
/Ah, no. Please no. Not this one./ But in her desperation to hear and see  
them once more, she had opened herself to all her memories, even this one  
and it was too late to push it back.  
  
***************  
  
Months passed by like days and, before long, the leaves fell from the  
trees and Winhill was left empty and desolate without its flowers.  
  
Raine sat on the edge of the bed, brushing her brown hair and   
contemplating the day ahead, when she felt a queasy feeling rise up to  
her throat.  
  
/It's OK./ She told herself, swallowing violently. /I'm never sick./  
  
But soon she found herself hanging over the sink, feeling wretched. She  
rinsed her mouth round with a glass of water, bemused.  
  
/What's the matter with me? I'm /never/ sick. I'll wait until Laguna and  
Kiros get back then I'll -/   
  
Her train of thought was abruptly severed by a shriek from outside. She  
froze for a moment and then turned and nearly fell down the stairs in her  
haste.   
  
"Ellone!" she yelled as she ran. "Where are you?" /Please, please, please  
say you're here, inside, where it's safe. Please tell me that wasn't you  
screaming outside./  
  
She hit the floor at the bottom of the steps and after the quickest of  
glances around the bar, saw that the room was empty, as she feared it would  
be. Moving swiftly to the door, she tried to open it, only to find that it  
was stuck.  
  
Raine peered desperately through the tiny window in the top of the door  
and what she saw numbed her soul. The blue and silver uniforms of the Esthar  
soldiers blurred as tears filled her eyes and she pushed frantically at the  
door again, screaming for Laguna.  
  
/Dammit! He's on patrol with Kiros. He can't hear me!/  
  
She saw that the soldiers had pushed something in front of her door, which  
was why it wouldn't open, and gave up trying to shift it. They had picked  
up Ellone and Raine saw the tears trace clean paths down her grubby little  
face.  
  
She watched helplessly as the tiny girl struggled but she was like a  
feather in the arms of the soldier who carried her.  
  
/No! You can't let this happen, Raine! You can't let them take her away!/  
She hastily wiped the tears away and as Ellone was carried from her view,  
her eyes fell on the beautiful stained glass windows at the side of the  
bar. They were easily big enough for her to climb through. Her hands  
reached blindly for something heavy and threw the first object they  
touched at the window. The colours scattered and cold, white daylight  
fell on Raine's face as she scrambled outside, the glass edges catching  
on her clothes and scraping her bare feet.  
  
Raine fell to the ground in a heap and looked around the square for the  
soldiers. Not a hint of silver, but as she took a few steps forward she  
saw Laguna and Kiros racing across the bridge towards her. Relief touched  
her momentarily, she wasn't alone in this situation anymore, and she  
turned to see what they had fixed their eyes on.  
  
The Esthar soldiers were on the dirt track out of Winhill and the moment  
she saw them, Raine started to run. She ignored the sharp stones under her  
feet, single-mindedly pursuing that one goal. Her mind was so fixed on  
Ellone that she even ignored Laguna and Kiros when they caught up with her,  
until Kiros pulled both her and Laguna to a halt.  
  
"No." he told them calmly, still holding their arms. "This isn't going to  
work. There are more than twenty of them and all it takes is for one of  
them to turn round and see us. Then they'll shoot. That won't help Elle."  
He released Raine's arm and she collapsed on her knees in the dust,  
remotely conscious of Kiros trying to talk Laguna out of this idea.  
  
/I never expected this. Never. I didn't think they'd creep in so quietly,  
with so little bloodshed, with none of the noise that I heard before. I  
thought I'd get a chance to fight for Elle, at least. I never thought it'd  
happen like this./  
  
She heard her own voice, from the vaults of her mind, talking to Elle  
long ago. "I'm here and I won't let anything hurt you again. I promise."  
  
/You promised her. You can't let her down! You can't let her go like  
this!/  
  
Determination filled her tear-stained eyes and she got to her feet and  
ran once more but this time she managed only a few metres before another  
hand caught her arm. It was Laguna this time.  
  
"Kiros is right, Raine. Running after them is only going to get you  
killed." He shook his head, hating the helplessness of the situation.  
  
"Let me!" she hissed back angrily. "They took her! I have /got/ to do  
something, I promised her that I would!"  
  
Laguna stepped back slightly, startled at the tone of her voice, but he  
didn't let go of her arm.  
  
"Let me go! We have to get her back! Ohh, damn you, why won't you let  
me go?" Her anger dissolved into tears and she fell against Laguna, crying  
for the child that had been taken from her. The girl that wasn't even her  
own, but she had loved like a daughter. When the tears eventually subsided,  
she spoke again.  
  
"You said you wouldn't let them take her away. You told me you wouldn't  
let this happen."   
  
The road was silent around her and she felt tears roll down her hair, but  
still she didn't move or add anything to her accusation.  
  
"I know." He said at last. "Do you think I don't feel terrible about it,  
too? I should've been there. There should've been something I could do  
but... we'll get her back." The pain in his voice was more than Raine  
could bear and she knew he wasn't at fault.  
  
"I didn't mean what I said." She told him, quietly. "It's not your fault.  
I just want to blame someone. Anyone. I'm so lost..."  
  
"We will get Elle back." Kiros said from where he stood, far enough away  
to allow them their grief, but close enough to stop either of them from   
doing something stupid. "We'll go and get Ward, and then the three of us  
will -"  
  
"Four." Raine muttered into Laguna's shirt.  
  
"What?" Laguna asked, backing slightly away so he could hear her properly.  
  
"I'm going with you." Raine told him flatly.  
  
"You can't mean it, Raine. This is /not/ a good idea. You can't fight and  
you'd slow us down. You'd be a liability and that could put us all in  
danger." Kiros said to her, matter-of-factly.  
  
"I'm going with you." She repeated, looking imploringly up at Laguna.  
"Teach me to fight or to stay out of the way. I don't care which, but  
I'll not sit here doing nothing. You stopped me from trying to help her  
today, don't do it again."  
  
Laguna nodded slowly and looked across to Kiros. "She's going with us."  
  
"You can't possibly -"  
  
"Our family has been split up enough already." He said simply. "If she's  
willing to come with us, well, what harm can it do?"  
  
Kiros shook his head. "OK, but think about it, Raine. We've got a couple  
of days until Ward will show up, so use the time to think about this, and  
I pray you'll change your mind."  
  
***************  
  
Neither Laguna nor Raine slept that night. Raine's mind was flooded with  
what if's and if only's. She remembered every time she had scolded Elle  
and remembered every time Elle had laughed. Comments the girl had made  
that Raine had never dwelt on before now stuck in her mind. All she could  
think of was Ellone, and after watching Laguna's pensive face for a while,  
she knew he was thinking the same.  
  
The light of the sun gradually flooded in the window and Laguna gave her  
a wan smile.  
  
"Hey, we're going to get her back."   
  
"I know. I -" she broke off, that sick feeling in her throat again. She  
remembered how sick she had been the day before and dashed to the sink.  
  
/I hate being sick./ She thought as she held her hair back out of her  
face. /Why? I didn't get to think about it yesterday. Why do I feel like  
this? I don't feel like it all the time, though. That's the funny thing.  
I only feel like this in...the...morning...No, I can't be right. I have  
to go to the doctor. It's probably something else. I have to -/  
  
"Are you alright? Raine?" Laguna called.  
  
"Yeah. I... just have to go out somewhere." She yelled back, pulling on  
her shoes and walking back into the other room. "Could you look after  
El... sorry." She sighed.  
  
He bowed his head and let his hair fall over his face. /I know that  
trick./ She thought.  
  
"Like you say, we'll get her back." Raine said softly, kissing his  
cheek before she walked out the door.  
  
/I can't be right. I can't be. Oh, why now? ...I wish I didn't know that  
I'm right./ She walked carefully across the bridge and down the track that  
led to the other part of town, her feet still sore from the day before.  
  
The doctor agreed to see her immediately and she sat down, describing  
symptoms and answering questions as best as she could.  
  
"Pregnant." He diagnosed, with distaste.  
  
"I can't be..." she muttered to herself.  
  
"Can't be?" he overheard, and laughed. "Of course you can. Everyone knows  
you were sleeping with /him/ weeks before you were married. Quite frankly,  
I'm surprised it's taken this long."  
  
"I don't like your tone of voice. I don't like your attitude towards  
Laguna and you've made your feelings on this matter quite clear. But if  
I find that patient confidentiality has been breached, then I'll do  
everything I can to get you struck off the list of registered medics  
and don't think it'll end there." She threatened and walked out,  
refraining from slamming the door, but only just.  
  
/What now? Do I tell him? When? We have to go to Esthar soon. No. /They/  
have to go to Esthar soon. I can't go. Not now. If I was enough to burden  
them before, think what this'll do. A child! I never thought about it... We  
had Elle. Ellone! I'm so sorry! I can't do anything to help you. I wish I  
could. I have to stay here, without you, without Laguna./   
  
Raine's feet carried her mechanically back to the bar. Kiros and Laguna  
were inside, talking.  
  
"If we follow them, there's no advantage, but if we find our own route, it  
may be quicker. There are some routes that a large group like that simply  
cannot take. And, of course, they'll be moving slower than us."  
  
"If we follow them, we may be able to get into Esthar easier. No one  
really knows /exactly/ where it is. Getting there by ourselves is going to  
be guesswork and if you have anything to do with navigating, we may never  
get there." Kiros stopped and smiled at Raine. "Ward will be here tomorrow.  
We'll leave as soon as he arrives."  
  
She nodded numbly and went up the stairs. Laguna gave Kiros an apologetic  
shrug before following her.  
  
"Raine, what's up?"  
  
She flopped heavily into a chair.  
  
"Come and sit down, Laguna. I need to talk to you."  
  
He complied and she tried to form her words into some sort of order.  
  
"I'm not going with you. I've decided to stay here." /It hurts!/ She cried  
to herself.  
  
"Why? You were so sure, yesterday."  
  
"Kiros is right. I would be a nuisance to you. I'd be more of a burden  
than you can guess and I don't want to be the one who puts you all in  
danger. I don't want to get you killed." /Do I tell him yet?/  
  
"I... don't want to leave you here, by yourself, but Elle..."  
  
"Go after her. Go and find her and bring her back. I can look after  
myself, I didn't always have you and Elle around. I can manage without  
you." /I can't do it./ Raine realised. /I can't bring myself to tell him.  
The worry in his voice and his eyes is painful enough. I can't put more  
there. He'd be so happy if he knew, I'm sure he would, but once he leaves  
he'll start to worry about me, about the baby. I can't do that to him. He's  
already so frightened for Elle I can't make him frightened for me, as  
well. It hurts. It all hurts so much. Lying to him like this and not  
telling him what he should know. What I want him to know. And staying  
behind, that hurts too./  
  
She smiled to reassure him and once he'd left to talk with Kiros some  
more, she buried her face in her hands.  
  
***************  
  
Raine didn't sleep at all that night. She couldn't. Did Laguna? She wasn't  
sure. He had wrapped his arms around her so tight she couldn't move enough  
to see his face. She didn't want to move anyway. She lay with her cheek  
pressed against his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart.  
  
/Don't leave me./ She wanted to tell him. /Don't leave me. I'm so scared.  
So frightened to be on my own./ She held him a little tighter and pushed  
away the compulsion to tell him about the baby.  
  
/You can't keep him here. You want Elle back, don't you? Think of her, all  
alone, crying. No one to look after her. You cannot keep him from rescuing  
her. How would you live with yourself? And how would he?/  
  
/But I'm so frightened. What if something happens to him and I lose them  
both?/ She argued back at herself.  
  
/You can't tell him, in spite of all that. You simply can't, Raine. Just  
hold it all in for a little while longer. Just a short while and then you  
can let it all go./  
  
She watched the light in the room grow gradually brighter and she knew  
that despite all her prayers, the sun had risen.  
  
***************  
  
Raine sat upstairs, making up packs for the three men to take with them.  
She kept busy, trying not to think too much and being excessively practical  
as she loaded the packs with everything they could conceivably need. She  
folded the map and placed it in the pack furthest from Laguna, who sat  
beside her. Kiros had been emphatic not to let him anywhere near it.  
  
She glanced over to the spidery man who was stood at the window, watching  
for Ward. What was this thing about Laguna and maps? Shaking her head, she  
turned back to where he sat.  
  
All their conversation that morning had deliberately been very light  
and easy going. Neither had mentioned that he would be leaving today. They  
both knew and there would be enough tears later, no need for them yet.  
  
"Do you carry a picture of me?" she asked suddenly, curious. "Like you  
did of Julia?"  
  
He shook his head, a little surprised with the question, and a mildly  
disgruntled look appeared on Raine's features.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Raine, I don't /need/ a picture of you. Your image is engraved forever on  
my memory." He told her extravagantly. Kiros laughed from the window and  
Raine chuckled, her hand lightly brushing back Laguna's hair.  
  
"Now that /is/ nice." She said approvingly. "Very nice, very poetic."  
  
"You liked that one, huh?" he grinned.  
  
"Oh yes. Remember it because I might want to hear you say it again."  
  
"Ward's here." Kiros called softly and Raine stood up.  
  
"Come and get me before you leave." She felt the words rush out of her  
mouth as she walked to the door. She couldn't stay here while they talked  
about what they should do and when they should leave. She couldn't bear it.  
  
"Yeah, alright Raine." Laguna smiled gently.  
  
She climbed the hill again. He'd know to find her up here, when the time  
came. She sat up there for an hour or so, her blue eyes staring vacantly  
into space, legs pulled up to her chest.  
  
Her mind was blank, thinking of nothing until a familiar figure came into  
her view. Laguna sat next to her and put an arm round her curled up form.  
  
"We're going now." He said quietly.   
  
She nodded faintly in reply and buried her head in her arms.  
  
"I wish... that I could go with you."  
  
"You still could... You don't have to stay here. You wouldn't be a  
problem. Don't listen to Kiros, he's just worried in case you get hurt, but  
I wouldn't let that happen."  
  
"No." she sighed. "Don't ask anymore. It's hard enough as it is, without  
you telling me this."  
  
Laguna fell silent. After a moment, he spoke again. This time, the pain  
in his voice made her look up.  
  
"I can't do it, Raine. I don't have the strength for this. I don't have  
enough heart to endure this. How do I manage without you there, without  
Elle?"  
  
"It's only for a little while." She managed, knowing how lame she  
sounded. "Then we'll all be here again and everything will be fine. You  
have enough heart for all of us. You'll manage, just like I will." They  
both sighed this time, and she smiled, weakly. "I love you. Always. And  
you better come back here in one piece."  
  
They walked to the edge of town, where Kiros and Ward stood, waiting.  
Raine hugged them both, making them promise to be careful.  
  
"And take care of him for me. Don't let him do anything stupid."  
  
"OK, Raine." Kiros smiled. "Don't worry, we won't let him fall down  
any more cliffs."   
  
She thanked them and turned back to Laguna. Her soul weakened for an  
instant, and she started to spill what she had tried to keep from him.  
  
"I don't know how to say this, but -"  
  
"Hey, I know what you're gonna tell me. You'll say that I'm not to do  
anything dumb and that I shouldn't worry about you, right?" he   
interrupted, misinterpreting what she had said.  
  
/No! It's not that!/ But those words never reached her mouth, her brain  
cutting in and making her simply nod in reply. /Don't you dare tell him.  
Not now. Let him think... let him think whatever is easiest for him. Let  
him go./  
  
"You don't need to say any of that. I know you well enough by now that  
I can guess some of what you're thinking and you don't need to tell me  
that you'll miss me... I already know that."  
  
/You don't. You have no idea.../ She flung her arms about his neck. "I  
wish I was going with you."  
  
"Yeah, me too." She heard a tremor in his voice and stepped back a  
little.  
  
"Oh no. Don't you dare start crying. Don't even think about it. If you  
cry, then I will too..."  
  
He nodded and she kissed his mouth.  
  
"Go on." She said softly. "Go now before the tears start. And don't  
worry about me. I'll be fine."  
  
"I /knew/ you'd say that sooner or later." Laguna joked weakly as she  
shoved him gently in the direction of the road.  
  
Ward and Kiros started walking and Laguna followed, then turned back to  
Raine.  
  
"I love you." He yelled back at her. She smiled and nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I know." She watched until they disappeared into nothing, then  
she ran for Millie's house, unable to bear it anymore.  
  
"Millie! Let me in!" she shouted, thumping at the door, tears beginning  
to streak down her face.  
  
"Raine, what's happened?" Millie asked, concerned about the state of her  
friend. She led Raine in the door and sat her at the table.  
  
"I'm pregnant!" Raine half-screamed through her tears. "A baby, can you  
believe it?"  
  
"That's good news though, isn't it? Laguna must be over the moon."  
  
Raine shook her head miserably. "He doesn't know."  
  
"When are you going to tell him then? They're leaving soon, aren't they?"  
  
"They left today! Just now." She bit her lip, drawing blood. "How could I  
tell him, Millie? I couldn't give him that to worry about too." She burst  
into tears again, hating the lies and the reassurances she had given  
Laguna. /Too late now to make another decision. I just have to hope that I  
made the right choice./   
  
Millie listened as Raine poured out all she had though over the last day  
or so, everything she had wanted desperately to spill to Laguna but hadn't  
let herself.  
  
"What's done is done, Raine. You have to wait now. It's all you can do."  
She said at last, and comforted her friend until the tears stopped and  
Raine was still.  
  
***************  
  
Raine struggled to free herself from the dreams but there was still  
something more. Something unreal but tangible lurked behind a door in her  
mind and she knew the only way out was to open it.  
  
She found herself stood in the doorway of a house. Ellone's old house,  
exactly the same as it had been the day she had run in and found Ellone's  
parents dead.   
  
Two bodies, on the floor in a crumpled heap, just as it had been then,  
only something was wrong. Something was different. She crept closer and  
knelt in the blood beside them.  
  
The bodies were wrong. One was far too small and the other... No.  
  
/Turn them over. You have to see their faces. You have to make sure./ An  
insidious voice inside her head whispered.  
  
Her hand reached out to touch black hair, and then stopped. /No, I won't.  
I won't look at their faces. If I look at their faces, I'll believe this  
is real and I know it's not. It's just a nightmare. If I turn them over  
I betray them and that I will not do. They are not dead. I /know/ that to  
be true, to be real./   
  
She forced her eyes open, and sat up, scanning the scenery around her.  
She took a couple of deep breaths, managing to make herself breath  
normally, and put the image of the nightmare out of her mind.  
  
/It's not real. It's a lie made up by an overactive imagination. Made up  
from all the gossip that's been flying round the village./ She persuaded  
herself.  
  
A voice called to her from down the hill, and she struggled up and walked  
to its source. Millie had come to check up on her. That was OK. As long  
as it was her friend, she didn't mind.  
  
"Raine! I was wondering where you'd got to. What have you been doing up  
here?"  
  
"Take a guess." Raine told her, slightly bitter. "Trying to get away  
from people who just cannot leave me alone. I don't mean you, I mean the  
rest of them. I've been dreaming up here for a while now. Dreaming,  
remembering...and waiting..." Raine's voice trailed off and she looked  
longingly beyond her friend to the horizon.  
  
"It's been a long time, Raine. I'm not so sure..." Millie hesitated,  
hating to voice such an opinion, knowing what Raine's response would be.  
  
"What? Not so sure they'll return? Is that it?" She shook her head. "I  
know that's what they're saying down there. They're wrong. They've always  
been wrong about him. He'll be back one day. Just you wait and see. He'll  
bring Ellone back, and Kiros and Ward will be with them, and everything  
will be alright again."  
  
Millie nodded, mainly to placate Raine, and inquired if she wanted to  
walk back yet.  
  
"No. You go on. I'll be down in a minute." She watched her friend walk  
down to the village and turned her face up to the sky.  
  
/Come back. I miss you./ She watched the sun dip below the curves of the  
hills, trying desperately to send her thoughts to Esthar, to Laguna.  
Trying to bring him and Elle back to her. /Come back and prove them wrong.  
Come back because I want you to see our child, when he is born. Because  
your stubborn wife needs you more than she ever admitted. Because I'm  
frightened and I have nightmares again and I know you can make them leave,  
like you did once before. Because my soul is not whole without you and  
Elle. Because I love you.../   
  
  
  
  
Author's note - This story is what happens when a cynic like me allows her hideously  
romantic soul out to play. Still, it was fun!  
  
Just a short poem that I thought was kinda like what I was thinking  
when this was written.  
  
Last part of "La Figlia Che Piange." by T.S. Eliot  
  
  
So I would have had him leave,  
So I would have had her stand and grieve,  
So he would have left  
As the soul leaves the body torn and bruised,  
As the mind deserts the body it has used.  
I should find  
Some way incomparably light and deft,  
Some way we both should understand,  
Simple and faithless as a smile and shake of the hand.  
  
She turned away, but with the autumn weather  
Compelled my imagination many days,  
Many days and many hours:  
Her hair over her arms and her arms full of flowers.  
And I wonder how they should have been together!  
I should have lost a gesture and a pose.  
Sometimes these cogitations still amaze  
The troubled midnight and the noon's repose.  



End file.
